With that being said, everything that I lived through taught me to be whom I am today.
As a child, I was the third, the birth control surprise child, I was always trying to tail behind someone instead of making my own way. This is okay because I was able to watch, learn and figure out a way to do it without getting in trouble or not do it at all. As the baby of the family, it is like being the third pair of jeans that you have. You love them and they are comfortable but the newness tends to wear off. Fortunately, I didn't feel like this most of the time. I always had love from one or the other. I never felt alone.
We moved around a lot growing up from three elementary schools to three high schools. It was very difficult to find myself when we were often uprooted and relocated. New friends, new places, and a new me all over again. I look back now and appreciate that it made me more resilient as a person. It would keep me on my toes and looking for the new adventure though at the time it would grow old for me and seem lonely.
Life wasn't truly hard for me growing up. I never went hungry or had to eat by candlelight and had clothes on my back at all times. I shall not complain. Why bother when it would only be whining about nothing. My parents were married and made sure that all three of us had what we wanted or what we liked to some degree. They were great BAND parents to all three of us. Not too bad I must say. Family life had its issues but doesn't everyone's?
I look back on so much and do wander from time to time what might of been if we never left Brentwood, TN or if I was allowed to follow my heart with a special someone or if I had finished college or if I had never moved to Maryland. What ifs are simply that. There is not a darn thing that can be done about the past. We just embrace it and move forward.
What I can do is embrace my present and boy do I!!! I have three wonderful children that light my life and their Daddy, my husband that lights my world! I am able to homeschool my children and not shield them but allow them to grow into the individuals that they are. They are not being forced to fit a mold that there is no way that they would anyhow. Neither could I. LOL
The past has been challenging to say the least. I lost two children during pregnancies. Burying my older children's' father and my husband was horrific. I can say that that was the worst thing and that EVERY day he is on my mind and in my heart though I have been blessed to move forward. His love for us was unusual but true blue just as he was. We are able to take that and makes us better people for it.
True, tragedy has hit my world and from time to time it has been very hard to make it through the day. However God reminds me on a daily basis that storms come and go. The wind can be furocious and knock us down. Then he reaches his hand out and helps me up and shines the sun on my face.
The sun are things like my friends, my family, my husband Tim and my children. It is also the little things like a park day with great weather, my hydrangeas blooming, my guinea pigs wanting to be held, the children NOT fighting or an afternoon with my honey Tim running errands together.
In the FORTY years that I have been blessed to be on this crazy earth, I have learned to embrace the small things and appreciate what I do have and learn from the other junk. I just pray that the next forty I will be able to continue to grow and become a better more rounded person and continue to live life to the fullest, embrace those that have a place in my heart, don't sweat the junk and to enjoy the moment.
Tomorrow is uncertain so I will put my hands up and ride the roller-coaster called life. Come join me! WEEEEEEE!
