Night Ramblings

The still of the night awakens me. 

My emotions are calm.

The noise is gone.

The house sleeps.

I can be.

I can relax.

I can breathe.

It is soothing to just be me.

No screams, no fighting, no needy wants.

I would not want this all the time.

I need this only some of the time.

Work can be done by the light of the moon.

Batteries are recharging. 

Kids are sleeping.

Husband is snoring.

I am resting wide awake.

The night is my zone.

Good night.

I did a writing assignment for the children and thought I would try my hand at it.  It is what it is.  Just rambling of my thoughts for 30 seconds.

Seasonal Moods

As I lay awake watching endless episodes of Ghost Whisper, something came to me that has nothing to do with this show.  It might just help someone realize that maybe what they are feeling, what they are going through is more than a simple funk.  The winter months can take a toll on people.  It is the lack of sunshine that deprive of us of Vitamin D.  The simple warmth of the sun on out face is able to lift our moods.  Think about it.  How many people plan a vacation to Antarctica?  It is usually somewhere warm and sunny.  Does a smile not creep onto your face just thinking about the wind in your hair, the sun on your face and the sand in your toes?


For some, this season of very  little sun and being stuck inside is very severe to their well-being.  Those with Bi-polar and depression issues like my late husband can find it rather depressing.  He would find himself wanting to sleep a lot.  His emotions were uncontrollable.  He also was very sad.  However, a simple trip to a warm climate and he was all anew.  Also, when spring came and flowers were blooming his hopes would bloom as well.  RIP Mark.  I am sure you are basking in the sun.


Others are effected on a lower level.  They can't understand why they are unhappy.  They may feel sluggish but have no reason to be.  They don't feel like going out of the house and socializing.  Their little light just ins't signing bright.  This can easily happen to any of us.


Children seem to get out of sorts.  They become aggravated with the way they feel.  They just get down right pissy.   It is so sad because they don't know why they are feeling this way and neither do their parents. 


Take a look around at those you love.  Shoot, take a look in the mirror to make sure you aren't feeling this way.  I have seen people that can improve things by going to a tanning salon (all though the surgeon general probably would not recommend this).  


Of course some funks are simple.  They are a funk.  That we can pull ourselves out of eventually.


I did find the following on a sight that reminded of us how important Vitamin D is and ways to get more of it.  Even though I am not feeling the funk at this moment, I plan to increase my Vitamin D just in case it sneaks up on me.  I think I will pass on the cod liver oil though.

1.Spend as much time outdoors as possible to take advantage of what little sun there is, especially if you live in a place such as the southern part of the England which is often grey, but is still fairly mild and has bouts of sun most weeks. If it is a sunny day, eat your lunch outside and go for a walk, even if your face and hands are the only part of you that isn't covered up. It may not be your entire dose of vitamin D, but it is a start and breathing in fresh air will be beneficial on many levels.

2.Don't wear sunscreen. It is amazing how many skin creams, especially the expensive ones, come with sunscreen in them. This of course is due to the misguided view that we should never be out in the sun without sunscreen on. We must maximise the little amount of sunshine that we have access to, which means avoiding sunscreen. Further, creams with sunscreen in them are often highly toxic for our bodies.

3.Sun showers are vertical tanning units which are often available at health clubs and beauty salons. They increase the amount of vitamin D in the body. Of course it is important to remember that this is not about getting a great tan, this is about getting this important vitamin. Three minutes is all that is needed to bring a little piece of summer into your life. People claim that sun showers completely transform their winters.

4.While pasteurizing milk destroys the vitamin D, unpasteurized milk still has this precious vitamin, as well as many other health enhancing nutrients in tact. It is also worth noting that a lot of pasteurized milks claim to be fortified with vitamin D; however it is much more difficult for the body to use fortified nutrients than the real thing.

5.Mackerel, salmon, and egg yolks are the foods with the highest amount of vitamin D, so if you are not a vegetarian, eat more of these foods in the winter. In saying that, make sure that you are getting fish that is from clean waters so that you don't pollute your body with toxins that are found in the sea. Alaskan wild salmon is one of the cleanest fish you can eat because the waters there are still relatively unspoiled. And non organic eggs are packed with chemicals, hormones and antibiotics that you don't want to go near.

6.Vitamin D can be found in cod liver oil. Again, make absolute sure that the brand you are using is of the absolute highest quality. Really research which brand is most pure.

I also found this link http://www.squidoo.com/treatment-for-sad-disorder.

Sinking In

Today the news of Chase's impending diagnoses has finally set in with me.  

I have been keeping my emotions to a minimum over the past few months.  Chase would roll around on the floor and showed no interest in crawling.  I kept telling myself that he is simply laid back and does things in his own time.  To some degree this is true.  He is a very relaxed baby.  He finally started crawling after his first birthday.  Prior to that he would either roll or scoot his bum to reach his desired location.

Here he is over 15 months and is not walking.  The doctors would not be concerned but they know his genetics.  Charcot Marie Tooth is all over his daddy's linage.   http://www.cmtausa.org/

Chase's doctor insisted that we see a pediatric neurologist and got him in in less than a week.  So, I knew that this must be serious.  However, I kept telling myself that everything is OK.  Chase is just taking his time.

For months I would kid about how I was glad that he was in no hurry to crawl or walk because I knew what would follow.  I had two that ran me ragged and was glad to have a laid back baby.

Now, I look back thinking if I had pushed him harder, if I got him help sooner.  I know.  I know that I have no control over genetics but as his mother I still fell the blame.  I ache for him.  I ache for what lies ahead for him.  The challenges he will have to overcome and the pain he will endure are on my mind.

The day Chase was born, I immediately checked to see if he had downs.  You see, while I was carrying him in my womb, I knew that no matter what the tests would show that he was ours and God would give us the little boy that we should have.  So, we didn't do any tests for downs and such because they wouldn't change things for us.  My doctor told me that the test could aid in a faster diagnoses when the baby arrives if something was wrong but that he didn't need to know before then.  I was thrilled to here that.  So, we went through nine months of the waiting game.  If he had downs, I had already prepared myself by reading up on things.  He didn't and we were thrilled to know that.

At Chase's neurology appointment he showed no reflex below his knees.  He felt pain but had no reflex.  I could see the look on the Doctor's face and I wouldn't say that it worried me.  It simply made what I had been sweeping under the rug a reality.

Next we will start with physical therapy.  I hope to learn myself and work with Chase at home.  We will just add that to my list of job duties. lol

My husband will take the electroid testing in order to keep Chase form having to be submitting to the painful tests.  Once Tim has the "level" of CMT that he has we will be able to do a genetic blood test to confirm if Chase has the same thing.  This will take many months to find out.  Until then, I will try to acknowledge this but to not stress over it.  I am my mother's daughter and tend to worry excessively.  The only difference is I internalize to a point that I don't even realize that I am worry.  Silly Kelly.

Thank you for letting me get my thoughts out....  I need this blog...

My Little Shortcake

Grace is growing up.  However there are some moments that help me by showing me that she is still my baby girl.

Tonight at girl scouts I saw a little girl running around playing in heels.  Even though she sported these long legs in her grown up jeans, she was playing dress up with her fellow girl scouts.  It warmed my heart that she still feels confident choosing to be a little girl and playing.

As I look at her face, daily it is changing.  I see her Daddy Mark looking at me.  I see his smile.  I see his eyes, his lips, his cheeks., his skin, his shoulders.  She is no longer a little Minnie me but growing into her own self who happens to favor her Daddy Mark.  She is so much like Mark.

When she opens her mouth, it is Daddy Tim all day long.  She is a funny little girl full of goofy jokes, tickle me silly comments and "I love you"s.  She is so much like Tim. 

So, you see, I get to see two men that I love in one little high heel wearing little girl.  Blessed am I.  Thank you God for this little girl who is growing before my eyes but in your hands.

New Year's thoughts and ponders

Everyone is quick to set these fantastic goals to achieve.  While they are are quite valiant, they are also very audacious.  I do like to take risks and I am a firm believer that you must shoot the ball in the net if you hope to score.  Point I am making is that going for the goal is great but remember there is always a new day to try again.

With that stated.  I gave up setting crazy goals to torture myself over in case I do not accomplish them.  What I choose to do is remind myself of the things I would like or that I need to do.  So here goes a few.  Some are rather simple and rather typical but a few may surprise you.

• Simplify my life - Family is telling me over and over again that I am doing to much, commit to too much, put too much on my plate.  The problem that I have with this is that I see this SUPER heroes in my life that make me look like I am not doing enough and that I am falling short of what I should be doing.
• Ease up on me - See above.  They always say that we are our own worst enemy.  I am sure that all of you reading this can agree.  So, lets have a "amen" and relax.
• Stay on Track - See above.  I could accomplish what needs to be done if I would stay consistent and on track.  
• Get Healthy - How many times have you heard this from all your friends?  For me it is imperative that this happens.  Since the birth of my third child, I have not physically or mentally been myself.  It was a rough pregnancy.  I even missed my 20th reunion due to it.  From hip pain, lower back pain, gestational diabetes and high blood pressure it made for a rough nine months on my body.  My body has yet to get back to normal and I feel like I am 55 instead of 39.
• Marriage - my marriage is great but always has room for improvement.  I plan to do all that I can to make it a more wonderful safe haven for my husband and myself.  He has taken two children that he did not "birth" and love them better than most biological parents love their own children.  Then he helped me bring a baby to our family to complete it.  His number one priority is our family.  As his wife, I want to make sure that he knows how much that means to me, how much I appreciate him.   So, I hope to make time to let my husband know that spending time with him is valuable to me and that I adore him.
• Children.... well I hope to be a more consistent teacher and a good Mommy
• BREATHE - I do have to remind myself to breathe.  It is critical for my blood pressure and my sanity.  LOL
• Grow - No, not in size but my mind, my talents.   I want to learn more this year than I have made myself do over the last few years.  From crochet to algebra.  I think we become stagnant and stop growing over the years.  No, I DO NOT want to return to college.  However, at the end of this year, I hope to tell you of all the wonderful things that I became educated about.  Knowledge is a wonderful thing.

So, at the end of the day when I lay my head down to sleep, I hope that I gave it my best, showed kindness and love to not only others but to myself as well.

Happy New Year!  2012 is going to be a fun ride.  Bring it ON! 

This is my eight month pregnant belly.  It is hard to miss.